Would you help me understand?

How does one tell? How can one tell between da way they're born to be from the one they've grown to become? Now let this not be read as some philosophical shenanigans or hokey pokey of any sort. I mean, is it even possible for that itself to be differentiated? Torn down da dotted line, shine da light of disgrace to reveal that which stems from deceit and the broken.

You can't simply tell someone whose lived like "this" to c h a n g e. Indeed, change is good, change is da only constant but its nothing less barbaric then to request da tangled to let go. You can tell a child pure and fluid to flow, but you can't make a broken soul transcend itself whilst its living off its cracks. Not unless, amnesia.

"Going back there to what things were before you know how to be afraid". -Cliche much?
But maybe its true, but maybe, its not about going anywhere because face it: you know no where. That life you're so desperate on going back for? That's just a new life with a wall around it. Perhaps the choice ain't about going back. The choice is about hiding. Curled up somewhere wishing for da sun. Or, going right to the heart of the thing that scares you.

And maybe, sometimes the best way to move into the mystery is all about taking those familiar steps, baby ones. Meditating upon even the most ordinary of things just so one can deal with something that is in no way ordinary. Always moving, always ending up somewhere for da night, somehow, with some view of some pretty skyline.

Yes, I try to be brave. I know you would have told me to and I try to be honest, not to live as if to disacknowledge your passing. I try... I try.. I try a little harder, I try to be a little bit stronger, I try to live a little better. But there are nights, such as this one, when it just gets, a little harder.

And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through, I've never cried so hard wanting you.