Look with your Ears . Listen with your Eyes

“Warm summer sun, Shine kindly here, Warm southern wind, Blow softly here. Green sod above, Lie light, lie light. Good night, dear heart, Good night, good night.”

Here's a quickie hee~

Sunday, March 11, 2012 || 11:51 PM

If they ask, I'd lie ;)

Friday, January 27, 2012 || 11:43 PM

Happy Chinese New Year!!!!!

Sifting through past pictures, as an old practise, for a new collage. How is it that whenever I come across yours, gave you the audacity to trigger some buttom inside of me once again? Oh, that awful feeling you get when you realise all the hardwork you thought you knew as 'letting go' turns out to be much more like mere 'stalling' up of emotions till a moment like this of accidental browsing of pictures of a time when there was me and you.

Or has it always been me? Me and my blind optimism to blame? Of a mess of a fantasizer with the nerve to adore you? How I'd like pretty much to know it was real, of you telling me it was true.

Maybe someday I'll be confessing my foolishness for never letting somebody else in. Somebody else that can be every way fitting and more.

Perhaps you'll never know this is for you, OF you. Many can guess, many would try, but they might end up stunned, say why: its this authentic Asian boy which many foils and perhaps best, a thousand times.
I'll say, I love the way you angle yourself towards me. Gaze with those shadowed eyes. Listened when I've got something to say.

Presently, I tell everyone we are through. That I've not a clue of much about you. Should have known better then to let myself wonder too far,knowing too well that its end is not far from the beginning itself. Here I am hoping you would some day make a re-entrance into my life and you would say [_____________] what I'd like to hear.

As much as I dislike being left hanging, however for my own good, perhaps you should stay away. Given MORE MORe More time, the feelings might just deplete into nothingness, this time, for real. Then again, have I ever proclaimed of being able of letting go of my unwanted things before?

Maybe one day- not too late a day, I'll find that soloing is also great.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012 || 1:10 PM

Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take things for granted.

I give myself a good cry if I needed it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life.

The culture doesn't really encourage you to think about such things until you're about to die. We're so wrapped up with egotistical things, career, family, having enough money, meeting the mortgage, getting a new car, - we're involved in trillions of little acts just to keep going. So we don't get into the habit of standing back and looking at our lives and saying, Is this all? And what if today is as good as it gets? What exactly am I suppose to do with myself? You need someone to probe you in that direction. It won't just happen automatically. but yes - we all need teachers in our life.

Detachment doesn't mean you dont let the experience penetrate you. Detachment doesn't mean I've gone cruel. On the contrary, you let it penetrate you fully. And that's how you are able to leave it, leave the thing that cuts you.

I believe we all yearn in some ways to return to those fireflies catching days when everything out of reach someone bigger brought down to you - unconditional love, unconditional attention. Most of us didn't get enough. And that we all hope to be closer to our family in some ways, inheriting traits we desire but also, avoid being in some ways.

When I took the time, when I can surprise myself with something I never thought I can do -- It's as close as to healthy as I ever feel.

So what if you had one day perfectly healthy? I'd get up early morning, go on a long run, have a lovely breakfast of smoked ham, eggs, pastries and tea, go for a swim, then have bubz come over for a nice lunch. I'd have them come one or two at a time so we could talk about their families, their purposes. Then I'd like to go for a walk, in a garden with some trees and paths with endless blooms, watch their colors, watch the birds, take in the nature that I haven't seen in so long now. At dusk, I would play a long tune serenading the sun: thank you & goodbye for a sunny day. In the evening, we'd all go together to a restaurant with some great pasta, maybe some duck - I love duck - and then we'd dance the rest of the night. I'd dance bare foot in a city made entirely of white-washed stone, in an ancient winery, bottom's up, burning like fire, until I was exhausted. And then I'd go home, welcomed by a touch covered with feathers, a lick so precious, so tender, so Real. Then I'd gaze out into the abyss while the city below keep on, keeping on, like a ring of fire. Falling deeply in sleep. - this is the life I'm seeking for exactly.

I just wish there ain't a thing as too late in life.

A little wind in my sails

Saturday, December 3, 2011 || 10:11 PM

Ok Ok, I know this is a little back-lated as a at-the-moment review of my relief that the A's has finally been done. Well I've been doin' my bit of thinkin' for the past 2 days to organise my thoughts in case I blabber as I did in so many of my posts this year...

:Finally got a whiff of the end of A's this morning when I woke. It's Saturday now, and soon enough friday will be over for good. Normally us kids have it easy- when the books are out, play is in, but I reckon work should be in as well ain't it? but it's okay. At least that means there'll be money coming in too! :D. Have been chalkin' up a list of to-dos after A's (and work) but somehow I just can't get enough of it. I wanna go places, see people, find adventures, drown in exhaustion; that's not too much to ask of is it? Simple things get me excited (like Corrine's lets-go-for-a-midnight-spin-along-the-high-way) and I've been grinning like a kid since morning. Practically beaming. I sound marginally spastic but can you tell that I'm excited? :}

I need to get good reads (stacks of 'em), feels like my brain is shrinking and I'm becoming intellectually challenged. 0.0!!! Need a well-paying job too.

Lana, Meghan, Tin Ling, Julia, Evan, Roger & Ximen met up with me for dinner (Hubie just have to be 18 hours away hee...) lots of laughs as we gave a quick ran -through of our year. With my being the most ... ya'know... 'fun' ..... XD

Anyways, not wanting to advertise but:
if anyone has any part-time job offers that's appopriate and suitable for me LET ME KNOW thank you ohsoverymuch#
and when I mean appopriate I M E A N it. Please save your efforts of attemting to twist my words into gettin' a new hobby for yourself like, say, knitting. .*)

When you're busy & have little to say... ....

Wednesday, October 26, 2011 || 9:30 PM

Da swaggeriously decorated new hang-out: eXclusively at cuz Kyle's home/office!
[special thanks to Hermione.... XD]

No better place for my wabbit ears
With Meghanite~
Retail therapy turned shocked therapy: still clueless how that happened! :O
Where creativity brims :D

Oh, one more thing, the FULL version of ALL the pictures taken at my birthday is now up in Ethan's blog... (finally...haha)! So if you've got missing pictures from your repertoir of pictures, you can now cope and add 'em to your collection! For obvious reasons its code-locked so msg him if you've problem viewing.

Love, peace and chicken grease ^.*

Miss September 14th

Wednesday, September 28, 2011 || 11:30 PM

Blogger must be hating on me for not posting for such a long time. True story.

Here's proof:
1. the first time I attempted to post the 400 over pictures(yea, that much! excluding polariods & instagrams) for my birthday party, blogger hunged on me when I reached the 5th set

(which equates to 25 photos) And i'm perplexed why blogger can't just program their system to allow limitless uploads like FB did!

2. what happened next was when I ingeniusly tried to steal minutes between vio breaks to blog, some enviromentally-loving soul SHUT DOWN my lappy! WHAAAIIIII!!!!

So yea, this post would definitely have came alot earlier if it weren't shrouded with all the hiccups popping everywhere. And since September is almost over I hope to keep what's about September within September. Phew, this is the THRID time I'm doing this post so there should be ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEMS AT ALL, RIGHT? I hope I didn't just jinxed that. :X

Alright, into the updates formal:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Q: How's did my 19th birthday go?

Ans: It's pandemonium on the floor! For all who booked the swanky room & celebrated for me. You'd know how I perspired in a fully air-conditioned room, ditched my heels and severed my unicorn's head (the cake FYI)

Q: Who you'd like to thank... again?

Ans: my family for celebrating for me at home with the extra large strawberry cheesecake to last me days after my birthday,

cuzzie-wuz Ting-a-Ling for the awesome unicorn cake (WOW u didn’t drop da cake! ;D ),

cuz Ethan for the fancy dinner/party, more cuzzies Cloud, Si, Eric, Leo....

[Since-we-were-in-diapers-kind-of]: Rigel, Martin, Meghan, Jules, Hubert, Roger, Corrine, Ximen, Elroy, Nat, Augusto, Julia, Lana, Ev, Van....

...... . for all your wishes and crazy presentss.

And basically all I've got to know over the years!

Q: when're you uploading the photos?

Ans: Soon? Perhaps Dec or Jan can-do???? I'm up-to-neck busy these days k, so might take a while~

Alternatively, visit Ethan's blog here .

HAD A GREAT B'DAY. THANK YOU!

and yes, thank u bubz for flyin' out with the artsy breakfast & swaggerlicious pressy x - - - ❥

Can't tell

Thursday, August 25, 2011 || 10:06 PM

It's been a while since I'm here again. Not to be confused that I've forsakened, packed up and disappeared from this blog entirely. It's just that everytime I wanted to start on something, its always annoyingly boycott by something else, say other 'things' I ought to do in real life as opposed to spending time in the cyber world. Nevertheless, I couldn't help myself to indulging some minutes in this therapeutic way of escaping from my surroundings.

Which brings me to one thing you may already/might not know about me: I'm a girl of many phases. Sometimes I work out for days on end, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I go into a violin-practise frenzy, spending an insane amount on time on little details, which when perfected, P.O.W! Rockets me into space. Sometimes I become obsessed with a piece of advice I'm given and stick to it like some code of gold. Sometimes I want to do nothing but watch TV marathons, even if whatever's on air is meaningless and narrow. Sometimes I'd specially make deliberate trips to satisfy my infatuation with certain food and be consuming it for days consecutively. Sometimes I write in my journal every night, then I'll skip a month.. and sometimes... I can be perpetually ill-tempered...

I don't know what I'm rambling on about if you follow. I guess I'm speaking like this because, there's a mountain of things I'm personally unhappy about at this point in time. And you could say I'm trying to steer my thoughts in another direction so I'd stop being such a prude. Maybe I should learn to appreciate the little things around me more (if I haven't been doing so.) Like... being able to breathe and read and write and eat and still have loads of room for possibilities. We should all be positive, learn to cherish what we have and live with a perpetual smile plastered over our faces as much as we can because morbidly, we'd only be here once RIGHT?

ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME.

But I can't help feeling like i'm lacking something. Sometimes I even questioned that even if whatever bonds that was holding me back were released, would I take flight and do all the things I day-dreamed of doing? Or would I've already lost the ability to be fearless and live the adventure and become the tame, docile creature I loathe? I can try to be positive but I can't help feeling uncertain. I can try to be accommodating but I can't help feeling insignificant. I can try to walk the world with these two feet, stand alone and be perfectly all right; but I can't help feeling lonely. Does this not work the same way for you? Do we not all live trying to be a better person, but remain conflicted inside? Perhaps I'm one of those ridiculously unreasonable douches who aren't all that gracious. I wish I could be better, apparently not at the moment.

There: bare, undoctored, unfiltered thoughts. This is: what's on my mind now as I sit here in front of you, amused, as I watch you watch me with that familiar perplex expression, too polite to ask what I was thinking, but too curious to hide the bewilderment within those perfectly contoured eyes. This is me and this is what I am even if I tried to be someone better than this.

So the next time when you feel like saying/or someone say to you: 'I like/love you for who you are', take a moment to re-consider the extent you'd go to mean it. As for the receiver, applaud them for one, among many, bold statements told. :)

We've reach the era where even sponges could afford BMWs. Our society have improved?

Saw this funny caption at the back of this man' polo. Sorwie for stalking and taking your picture..

Tobey & Roger hard at work mixin' my Espagnole track ^^

its pandemonium on the floor, imma make it *

Monday, August 1, 2011 || 9:02 PM

Hey everyone and anyone!
Happie first day of the month of August!

It's August alright, and it means 2 things to me:

1) I'm moving head-on closer to A'levels

2) I've got 1 month and 14 days roughly to my B I R T H D A Y

2 entity poles apart, i'm deliberating between excitement or groaning... :/
I've been meaning to blog for a few days now, but it just seems like I've either nothing or alot of the same thing to say that I'm afraid I might just be repeating myself on and on and on and on..... until... the End of the year.

Bad dreams... if this makes up any topic for discussion. So, to whoever's reading this, you can just terminate reading this post if you'd rather be doing something else than reading about someone else's dream. You obviously ain't heeding advice or you just love me too much if you've reached reading this point of thick-skinned self-realisation or ... you're just very bored yourself.

Well in short, my nightmares are of restless, murky, sinusoidal dreams that're not only traumatic, it wears you out in the morning as if you haven't even slept...-.-

Contrary to popular believes, there's something comforting, almost therapeutic about being outside, eXposed to the sun as opposed to stayin' in the house glarin' at the walls wishing they would somehow turn invisible... but I suppose not everyone or girl would agree with me on this with their need to stay constantly fair/ or maintain the pale (ghastly) chalky translucentcy of their skin. Well, not for me, I like the shade of tangy sun-kissed bronzy color of the skin. Hee. It's probably the effect of livin' by the coast all my life or just the Californian spirit acting up. Whatever it is, I love it! I think I'd like the idea of livin' by another piece of sand if I were to purchase my own home in future ( ... if I could afford it) ^.*

Xu 哥哥surprised me with an unexpected trip to Singapore before leavin for Taipei 2 days-delayed. Helping me help the rather kinky Kyle move his atrocious amount of belongings to his new pad in Balestier. Phew, i'm glad that's over. Intensezzz.

luckycharmed Pegasus bracelet from Xu, thank youu

Part of the room that's kinda-sorta done.

Old claymore

!!Frozen Yoghurt!!
!!my favourite dessert at the moment!!

nothing like eating Mcdonald's in the car with smooth air-conditioning... Ahhhh~

When you meet with trying times, it's no time to stop trying.

Thursday, July 21, 2011 || 4:08 PM

Morning rush hours can really be tormenting, especially when you're say, ME. Yes me, someone whose on-the-dot punctual or pulsating perspiration from being terribly late. It's not so much the distance or the time taken, but more so the crowd!

Trains get really packed during peak periods (early mornings and evenings). Thing is, it wouldn't be so sickening if everyone just stood in the train properly. I've been taking the train so much for the last week because the car was sent for repairs that I've actually come up with a list of people who should be banned from taking the trains.

1. Newspaper reading neighbours who hardly have a sense of personal space.People who read newspapers. It's okay if you fold your papers neatly and take up little space- but NOT okay when you flip'em open and occupy 3 sitting spaces with your arms. I've sat in between 2 paper readers before. And I was literally breathing the newspapers. How inconsiderate, especially when the train is so crowded! Read it later during lunch!

2. People who lean their entire selves against the handle bars/rails/poles. Some are icky and sweaty. That's just gross. It's already so packed and people need something to hold to keep themselves from falling over but these leaners just leech themselves onto the poles like some invertebrates!! Urghh..!!!

3. People who sit down, and stick their legs right out. Hi, tripping hazard! Some of them don't even bother to put their legs in, even when the train is crowded. Horrible.

4. Rockers- people who hold onto the handrails, and SWAAYYY around. They don't just stand in one spot, but have to lean backwards like as if their surfing/sailing. Excuse me?! And when they bump into you they look at you as if YOU were standing too close (when there's no other space to move to). My goodness.

5. Topple-sleepers who takes you as a pillow- I know that I don't occupy my entire seat, ENTIRELY. But I do occupy a decently significant amount of SPACE. Plus, they don't even topple the OTHER SIDE. If you can't sleep upright, don't sleep. Or at least topply FORWARD. xD

There's more, but now I have to get back to violin.

Trying to continue blogging from my phone. But there's hardly any sense of structure cause the screens so tiny plus it's difficult to type. It's a bloody long journey home. Sometimes the length of the journey seems somewhat insignificant, especially after fruitful hours of sound-pollution done to the shoppers at Katong. It must have been a tough life for some as a result.

Director Ms Wee Li Lin's 'Forever' the movie has launched it's DVD sale last Saturday @ the Earshot Cafe by the Arthouse. So be sure to get it *wink wink* Heard it's a pretty cool spot to just hang out and chill and stuff. But I didnt get to go, cause when it comes to me, it's always a case of having to be at someplace else and doing the 'less' fun thing... damper. Oh, and there's my stop. So I shall end this abrupt post with a picture. :)

Too dalls

*Armoured Rings by E R I C K S O N . B E A M O N* {thanks Ev, love 'em}

Wake the girl who's blind with fear

Monday, June 13, 2011 || 10:32 PM

Studies been a bitch lately with more and more notes and details to drill into, be gone with the endlessnessof minute refinements and get to the concluding. The stress is like a sickening jingle from a TV advertisement that's been so overplayed it's sicccckening. Yet, you can't say you hate it because there's still some inkling good in it. *sighs*

I'm getting mouldy stuck at home all the time accompanying my books. And the only oher time I do get to go out is for my violin lessons, yet again, under a roof, in another shaded spot. I'm not complaining but like a croc, I too need to bask in the sunshine and get some foc Vitamin D. :/

My mind's been drifting into places it shoudn't even with the massive workload I've got. When I don't sleep, I can't focus. When I sleep, I feel restless because my dreams take me to endless scenes that remind me of things I don't want to remember. Eitherways, nothing seems significant anymore. It seems like the only thing in hand is redemption, to right my wrong, to earn my grace from where I've fallen. Other than that it seems every other thing I do is insignificant, wasted, into garbage material.

Fear, like any other emotions is sometimes irrational, even more so than the other feelings I experienced. It hits you square in the face when you least expect it, and crazy convolutions attack your heart like as if someone stuck a hand in your chest and tried to squeeze the daylights out of your insides. It's annoying, of course, because fear is only an emotion and if your mind's strong enough, you could just ditch it. Still, we're made of flesh and blood- we can't always control how we want/would like/ need to feel.

So what does my fear mean to you anyway? If I tell you, are you gonna laugh at my childish insecurities? Are you gonna harp on it and threaten to blackmail my trust? Or are you gonna hold my secrets in the palm of your hand,tuck them away in secret places nobody knows, shield me in time before I hurt myself? What does it mean to you, really?

So psst, come close, I want to tell you,

everything.

*Here's some pictures to keep you in the loop of what I've been up to:

Trip to Phuket_ time: 9.00 am_location: hotel_after Pete's extremely early morning hike z_z

Have_you_ever_wondered_about_life_at_sea.... fishin' for mermen?!?! xP

Meghan took this as an expression of chilvary while the guys look on with a little more than resignation as they wait while I stared/glared/admired/twist/turn/twirl in front of the long-mirror with the spoilt-choices of bagggs!

Once again, i'm chucked into a shoppers' trolley_

Back to Sg for shoot_

Who says I've lost it, I found it on the underside of my case. :P