Friday, November 30, 2007

is it Too Much to Ask

November already. I guess time still flies whether or not you're happy.
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back? There are somethings that time cannot mend some hurts that go too deep that have taken hold.

I've given my promise---my only promise that i'll never ever break and that is to take care of every single one in my extended family. A promise i gave to my Grandma.
Meanwhile, I'm lost. I don't know what to think and what to feel already. Like i said i want my old life back with everyone in it.

Someone once told me that when you're afraid of something, what you want more than anything else is to make it go away. You want your life back to the way it was before you found out that there was something to be afraid of. You want to build a high wall and live your old life behind it. But nothing ever stays the same. That's not your old life at all. That's your new life with a wall around it. Your choice is not about going back to the way things were. Your choice is about hiding, or about going right to the heart of the thing that scares you.

I wish i could go back to the way things were. As far as i'm concern, my life now is no where near life. It's broken and i need to fix it.
And when you're in my shoes, it's doesn't seem like it's alot to ask.

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