.... but not now

With Kashmiere, my pup at the lake
Yes! Each new day in suburbia brings with it a new set of lies.
The worst are the ones we tell ourselves before we fall asleep. We whisper them in the dark, teling ourselves we're happy.. or that he's happy.. that we can change.. change to adapt to the fact that we all have our own lives to live. We persuade ourselves we can live with our sins.. or that we can at the very least, live without him. Yes. Each night before we fall asleep we lie to ourselves in a desperate, desperate hope that, come morning, it will all be true.

And yes! We are all searching for someone. (Let us not try to deceive ourselves to think otherwise.) That special person who will provide us what's missing in our lives. Someone who can offer companionship or assistance and on top of it all- Security. And sometimes if we search hard enough, we can find someone who provides us with all three. Yes... we are all searching for someone, and if we can't find them, we can only hope they find us. ;)

stuff of the cliché

There is not a moment which passes without hearing Mr Singh's voice on repeat mode in my inner-ear of how he'll scream at anyone one of us and kick up a fuss in public if he spots us in the city district and about how much we'll live to "crash & burn" again and again if we do not start studying now because everyone else has started months before us! More of the latter stuck in my head actually, but at least this is one swell of a way to keep me from one of my favourite time-killers--- billiard at Black's cottage. haha!

Day before Concert: F.E.V.E.R! Kept me awake the entire night with the sickening feeling of feeling cold and shivering. However, something ZY said kept me occupied through the rest-less night. Building up towards the day of the concert, I get a sense that Canon don't seem to sound as good as it used to be anymore. It's technically alright, visually...o..k..., but something is missing, and thanks to ZY, I figured it out! FEELING! I was so caught up with trying to improve the visuals I've over-looked the fundamentals this is all about, playing with a true heart. I finally worked it out and we got our section a moment up there! ;)

CO concert finally came to a fairytale closure, for me at least, it's a closure. I'm not even certain if I'll ever join another ochestra anymore, but i glad to have joined TPJCO! For all its worth, it was worth it all the while. Emptyness kicks in as my section and I realise we'll never have another Wednesday to look forward to unwind and get random with our selection of tunes to keep ourselves entertained. Aloysius told me how lonely he'll get after we left, "no one to play Canon, no one to play Lemon Tree, no one to goof off with me after this is over." Child-like remarks that're enough to induce tears I tortously fought back. Ester's last hug was deeply printed in my memory. I couldn't see her face, (cuddling her) but her whimpers by my ear was astonishingly hard to forget! Surprised even, that how I've become the one to seek comfort from when more often than not im the one needing some. It's funny how people might forget what you said, they might forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel. I'll never forget how loved my juniors and all my buddys in CO has made me feel =)

If love is joy, it is also sorrow; if sweet, bitter; if sublime, profane. These contradictions like love itself, are the stuff of the cliché. Fête galantes ~

we'll leave it on the line

Its funny attempting to be mad at someone when you care about them. Trying too hard to ignore you and to put you from my mind. But face it, enough is enough, I can't keep on pretending that i'm cool with your ways nor do I want to waste anymore effort trying to pretend otherwise.

Abusive use of my feelings? I'm baffled because I can't help but feel of you still trying to help me when I kept treating you with avoidance, but, on the other hand, the other side of me tells me that "hey its your job."

Maybe I'm too immature for you and for all this with my typical ways or just maybe since all this started out from this place where I first know you, it should end as all this comes to an end soon. Does affinity and (probably one-sided) passion only gets us this far?