Saturday, March 7, 2009

The Famished Road

There was not one amongst us who looked forward to being born. We disliked the rigours of existence, the unfulfilled longings, the enshrined injustices of the world, the labyrinths of love, the fact of dying, and the amazing indifference of the Living in the midst of the simple beauties of the universe. We feared the heartlessness of human beings, all of whom are born blind, few of whom ever learn to see.

I was a spirit-child rebelling against the spirits, wanting to live the earth’s life and contradictions. Ade wanted to leave, to become a spirit again, free in the captivity of freedom. I wanted the liberty of limitations, to have to find or create new roads from this one which is so hungry, this road of our refusal to be.

Given the fact of the immortality of spirits, could these be the reason why I wanted to be born — these paradoxes of things, the eternal changes, the riddle of living while one is alive, the mystery of being, the probablility that no injustice lasts for ever, no love ever dies, that no light is ever really extinguished, that no true road is ever complete, that no way is ever definitive, no truth ever final, and that there are never really any beginnings or endings?

Before everything was born there was first the spirit. It is the spirit which invites things in, good things, or bad. Invite only good things. Listen to the spirit of things. To your own spirit. Follow it. Master it. There is a stillness which makes you travel faster. There is a silence which makes you fly.

A dream can be the highest point of a life. — Okri, Ben.

How I loathe myself when I start elaborating on how I really feel deep inside.For someone who only likes to hear answers that sastifies, I guess it's always better when I don't say anything at all. As they always say, some opinions are best kept to yourself.

How true.

But nothing beats the loathe of someone who goes around acting like they know who I am, but they don't. Assumptions they made ~ that was all.
Specifically someone from TPJC which is becoming a pain in the ass.

Currently perched on the chair in front of my computer and jabbing away at the keyboard, ignoring the blinking conversation on the taskbar. I feel so insecure, so fearful of everything, so apprehensive.

It's into March since I got enrolled into Tampines Junior College, however, somethings remained uncertain. Am I finally settled in? How will I fare? Please have me do no wrong choices.....

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