Thursday, August 25, 2011

Can't tell

It's been a while since I'm here again. Not to be confused that I've forsakened, packed up and disappeared from this blog entirely. It's just that everytime I wanted to start on something, its always annoyingly boycott by something else, say other 'things' I ought to do in real life as opposed to spending time in the cyber world. Nevertheless, I couldn't help myself to indulging some minutes in this therapeutic way of escaping from my surroundings.

Which brings me to one thing you may already/might not know about me: I'm a girl of many phases. Sometimes I work out for days on end, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I go into a violin-practise frenzy, spending an insane amount on time on little details, which when perfected, P.O.W! Rockets me into space. Sometimes I become obsessed with a piece of advice I'm given and stick to it like some code of gold. Sometimes I want to do nothing but watch TV marathons, even if whatever's on air is meaningless and narrow. Sometimes I'd specially make deliberate trips to satisfy my infatuation with certain food and be consuming it for days consecutively. Sometimes I write in my journal every night, then I'll skip a month.. and sometimes... I can be perpetually ill-tempered...

I don't know what I'm rambling on about if you follow. I guess I'm speaking like this because, there's a mountain of things I'm personally unhappy about at this point in time. And you could say I'm trying to steer my thoughts in another direction so I'd stop being such a prude. Maybe I should learn to appreciate the little things around me more (if I haven't been doing so.) Like... being able to breathe and read and write and eat and still have loads of room for possibilities. We should all be positive, learn to cherish what we have and live with a perpetual smile plastered over our faces as much as we can because morbidly, we'd only be here once RIGHT?


But I can't help feeling like i'm lacking something. Sometimes I even questioned that even if whatever bonds that was holding me back were released, would I take flight and do all the things I day-dreamed of doing? Or would I've already lost the ability to be fearless and live the adventure and become the tame, docile creature I loathe? I can try to be positive but I can't help feeling uncertain. I can try to be accommodating but I can't help feeling insignificant. I can try to walk the world with these two feet, stand alone and be perfectly all right; but I can't help feeling lonely. Does this not work the same way for you? Do we not all live trying to be a better person, but remain conflicted inside? Perhaps I'm one of those ridiculously unreasonable douches who aren't all that gracious. I wish I could be better, apparently not at the moment.

There: bare, undoctored, unfiltered thoughts. This is: what's on my mind now as I sit here in front of you, amused, as I watch you watch me with that familiar perplex expression, too polite to ask what I was thinking, but too curious to hide the bewilderment within those perfectly contoured eyes. This is me and this is what I am even if I tried to be someone better than this.

So the next time when you feel like saying/or someone say to you: 'I like/love you for who you are', take a moment to re-consider the extent you'd go to mean it. As for the receiver, applaud them for one, among many, bold statements told. :)

We've reach the era where even sponges could afford BMWs. Our society have improved?

Saw this funny caption at the back of this man' polo. Sorwie for stalking and taking your picture..

Tobey & Roger hard at work mixin' my Espagnole track ^^

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