it's my fault

YOU SAID YOU'D ALWAYS BE THERE FOR ME.

BUT YOU'RE NOT

AND IT'S BECAUSE OF ME.....

To you who loved and care for me most I cannot save, I cannot help. All I did was watch your demise to nothingness to someone I can't recognize. I'm sorry I'm so weak, to be tougher... I tried. But I stayed strandled and tortured by the thoughts of better days, of childish days where I knew nothing and there's nothing I need to know more than my next day's homework and violin. The wound you left still fresh. And though people thought that I've gone mad, but after all these years... it seems I still have a tear to shed.

organized mess

These days, I've been trying to classify my thoughts into two categories:
"Things I can change," and "Things I can't." It seems to help me sort through what to really stress about. But there I go again, over-planning and over-organizing my over-thinking!

I write about my adventures and misadventures of every day events, right to the minute, miniscule little ones that are significant nonetheless. Of which today's category concerns love. Love is a tricky business. But if it wasn't, I wouldn't be so enthralled with it. Lately I've come to a wonderful realization that makes me even more fascinated by it: I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to love. No one does! There's no pattern to it, except that it happens to all of us, of course. I can't plan for it. I can't predict how it'll end up.
Because love is unpredictable and it's frustrating and it's tragic and it's beautiful. And even though there's no way to feel like I'm an expert at it, it's worth writing about -- more than anything else I've ever experienced in my life. And for someone like me who is obsessed with organization and planning, I love the idea that love is the one exception to that. Love is the one wild card.

Of course it's best be safe to draw the line between fascination and an obession. As love can both sink and save you. At best, they merge into one supernova; otherwise, they might fall into an emotional blackhole.

You game for it?
Well... I'm up for another round of sushi at the Belt thankyouverymuch
*if I see you, I eat you, nice eating you* ^.6

skip the pain and get to the healing

Feeling odd a little deflated and winded…

Sometimes I have been hot-tempered and the one dishing it out… until i become the one at the receiving end of such ferocity do I realise how much it hurts.

Sometimes I have everything going for me and I might be beginning to lose it… it’s high time for some reality check and have me grounded again.

Sometimes I might have too much wind in my sails…
Sometimes you forget that no one owes you a living…

Sometimes you get to level ten and forget that you started off from ground level…

Sometimes you begin breathing the air up at level ten and forget the sights you once saw when you were at level one…

Sometimes you get too big for yourself…
And sometimes you induldge in the love for the pursuit, the adrenaline that comes from pursuing the object of your infatuation you forget about those that loves you without you even having to try.

It’s time for some humbling. Eat some humble pie. Learn to practise restraint, tolerance, and empathy again. Learn to shut up, swallow some pride, take down some built-up walls and ego. Like a wounded animal learns to lick its wounds, pick itself up, and move again.

Wounded and humbled, I’ll lick my wounds, hopefully piece myself back up in place and in better stead.