Be Gone

I shan't have your name up, cause you're so not worth it!(school music.....)
Today
I cried
I cry
I feel alone
I feel helpless
How can I let you know
I am more than the smile and laughter you see each day
I am cold and pricked
Thanks for acting like you cared and thanks for putting me down ........ out of point

I may not be as good in my instrument now, but mark my words and keep a weathered eye at bay, for i'll be a gazillion folds better than you in time to come. I HATE YOU, so go away from me

If you ever got in trouble....
I swear, I will just leave you to die...
I am so sick of you
You're on my nerve
I wanna puke
Get out of my face
You suck!

I'm so not "so dead" as you said I am. I'm more kicking and alive than you shall ever be.

Sometimes, I feel that I have none to voice out to. In this head my thoughts are deep so sometimes I can't even get myself to sleep. Why am I so vulnerable?
I know I get a little crazy and I know I get a little wild and I know i'm so gonna make it! I am just more than what you think I am. LOSER!

I bet you didn't think that I would see

Each art has its own moves, and its own fields of play. Just as van Gogh in handling paint dealt as his daily, practical work with such things as color, radiance, vibration, hope, eagerness, and a somber background, so does each of us. Whatever means of expression we have chosen or received has has its own feel. This is the integration, in practice, of inspiration, the muse, play, the vehicle, the stream -- all of our resources.

Music is a vacation from life, for me at least, it's the moment where you do not worry, you do not fear, you just be yourself and do not care about anything else besides yourself at this time. I've come to realise this that when you hear music and you enjoy it, it's the state of bliss anyone could ever want to toally be just blown away by a great tune and just let yourself go. It takes us out of the actual and whispers to us dim secrets that startle our wonder as to who we are and for what we're actually doing whence and where to.

Sometimes we can't see things as they are, we see things as we are. So just because I wander doesn't mean i'm lost.

Thanks RACHELLE for your "happiness is the best medicine" gift! woohoo....We'll go BagPackingBagPackingBagPackingBagPackingBagPackingBagPacking XD

Gotta get my head in the music! 1/2h of fame just give it my best shots and put my heart and soul into this VIOLIN! No room for flaws. I MUST SUCCEED!

I'm bored so this post must suck

Why, do you always do this to me?
Why, couldn't you just see through me?
How come, you act like this
Like you just don't care at all
Do you expect me to believe I was
the only one to fall?

I could feel I could feel you near me,
even though you're far away.
It's not suppose to feel this way,
I need you I need you, more and more each day
It's not suppose to hurt this way
Tell me, why?

Hey, listen to what we're not saying
Let's play, a different game than what we're playing
Try, to look at me and really see my heart

See! I got what you would call an obsession. People think I think saint.
To think I actually fell for that when I was 13 and a little more green but it's amazing what a couple of year could mean! Isn't it? I liked you but would you ever return this favour?

I didn't give a damn what you think of me cause either way you're gonna think what you believe there's nothing you could say that would hurt me. I'm better off without you anyway, I thought that it would be hard but I'll be ok. I don't need you if you're gonna be that way. Cause with me IT'S ALL OR NOTHING!
I'm sick of your shit! Don't deny, you're a waste of time. I hate you now so go away from me. SO LONG! You're so full of it, I can't stand the way you act. I just can't comprehend.

Was it me whom lurched myself
Or the heart that left me lurched?????

Inviting Ray to my performance? Big taboo! Tagged a guy with him was suppose to make me feel, well Yippee! BUT....it turned out well, not the way i thought it to be. I just wanna say a huge THANK YOU to everyone with excess to my blog especially those in O'level music. Specifically(don't be jealous and not in order of importance it's just random) Junyan, Aris, Liyana, El, Nabil, Maeve, Shi hui, Natas, Miss D(my councilourXD), Chunjie, Dom, Willis,Cons, Rachelle who else i forgot? err... everyone in PRCS music? yup that's about it.

He did in someway helped me in my junior years in cca, so I do hope everyone which includes me as well comes out of this situation unharmed. Speaking to my TURTLE gives me great comfort though i can't seem to get myself over it. Infuriated.
Joe hid in some corner and popped out like a magician's bunny when on my way home. We talked about my horrible living nightmare i got myself into. >.<

Now i'm speechless, over the edge, i'm just breathless and heads over heels in a moment. I never thought that I'd catch this Lovebug again. Damn, MODESTY is just so hard to find.

I really wanna send you the pics but some ~!@#$%^&* took my camera away. so sorry, all i've is these on my mobile~~~~

I made lil'Joe in Build-a-Bear store with Grandpa and maties

shop-keeper is a stuffer in disguise

stuff somemore

autographed violin gift from err.... humans

people needa practise even if it is on b'days you know

guitar and my socks. thanks "humans" XD

playing with fire

and the cards

more autographing on the pooch

i woke up this morning and i saw GREEN!

coutesy by my mom

the huge banner

went balloon fishing you see

garbage island

aftermath in the afterparty

love this, looks like a violet rose

alamak! straberry cream wit hchocolate icing

Dad bored this for me

and there's Ev, Parv, Dean's evolutioned self heehee


Everything is fun. Thanks to all the wonderful company, but now i needa SLEEP! afternoon nap os still essential even if you're 16.

P.S:
JOSEPH GORDAN give me back my bloody camera before i mash you up! XD

Oh yeah, it's official.......today's the day>>>>>>BIRTHDAY!!!!!
A not so early morning post and i'm hitting the road to just take over what you call the WORLD. XD

I woke up this morning to complete darkness. I assumed the curtains were simply effectively shutting out the daylight, but after an hour or so of proposal typing as a favour from my Dad I started o pay attention to the sounds of the city outside. And it was raining. My favorite weather! I opened the window to listen closer, and when I looked out, I was reminded of my trip to Canada, during the autumn and spring showers and inclement winter weather. The glistening rooftops receding into the distance, reflecting the grey of the sky as a bright silver, the sound of midday traffic on the drenched pavement, the squeaks of bus brakes, the darkened tree trunks, the sirens faint in the background, the lack of footsteps or voices – it was all so familiar.

It suddenly came to my attention of an umbrella I used to carry to school, butterfly themed pastoral number, that seemed to illuminate like the sun was shining whenever I'd open it up. I almost wanted it to rain more often, so that I could walk under that umbrella every week.

From the time I was a little kid, I've liked the rain. Maybe because my awareness of sound is acute, I could listen to it all day: the way it mutes a city, the way it articulates every surface I'd otherwise take for granted. I like how rain smells and how it seems to give everything it falls on a new start. It makes the indoors cozy. The green colors outdoors become lively and beautiful. Sometimes, in the middle of a city of concrete, it is the only aural contact I have with nature – not even a chorus of singing birds could drown out human pollution so gracefully.

The poem of T.S Eliot brought forth not just a serenity, but wellness. I like the music from a farther room one, so if you wish to have it, I'll post it up on my myspace :)

Bday in 2 days time

When you get to hear music from a farther room, you'll be able to see things

Happy B'day, Ya Think?

POONED! Awful week, especially when it's a holiday week for that matter. Feel like you hit rock bottom this week? You'll have seen nothing yet. Sweet nibblets! it's my b'day month, it's suppose to make me luckier than usual not the other way around.

Hmm, there's not gonna be much of a celebration anyway, your not there the "Oafs" not there either, but the least I should be getting is to be extremely lucky and having things be the way, well i suppose the way i expected isn't it?

Getting hurt more than usual is totally the way I expected it to be.... NOT! Seems like talking to people, doing stuff goes wrong whichever way I slice it. Dirt.

There is a pleasure sure in being mad which none but madmen know

The first sign of actually going crazy? I spent like 15min in bed laughing my ass of to sleep. That was seriously going to be my lullaby tonight. However, I was rudely interrupted by Banbie who kept scruffling he's feathers and annoying me with the tinkle of he's bell everytime he does that. Must be some tidyness issues he's got. Whatever right?
To think of it, laughing to yourself in total darkness is freakie isn't it? I mean really questionable and definitely disturbing. XD
Guess that's how Banbie got his goosebumps and can't stop scruffling himself. haha I'm not implying that i'm mad, but if you know the direction i'm pointing at, you'll crack a smile too!


You know what? I'm getting fucking busy, so i'll just get these photos off my chest now.

you sure know how to make a girl feel better Mr Joe-ey

I had an urge to dig up my old case. With my idol's pic still snugged nicely in it XD

It's funny how practise is work while.....

continuation-----> this isnt REFRESHMENTS!

I pasted this outside my teacher's studio. Pretty cool huh

when the weird gets weirder, the craziness took over

Drawer Ev & I share during practise. look at all those junk XD

Utmost Perfection

Current Mood: MOODIE
Damn! Had O'level Music practical prelims today. It sucked really hard. I almost shed a tear if not for comforting music mates like Liyana, Chunjie and Junyan hanging about. Oh thank you thank you. ^^
However the tranquility could only stretch that long. I stil had to face the fact that one of my pieces really sucked. My ensemble and 1 of my solo pieces was "great" according to Mr leong, but that was little consolation. How am I ever gonna be the greatest violinist if I had flaws like that? Not to mention signing a record with Big Evil Corp. and having to work with Evan.
On the lighter side of things, Liyana and I waltz around the dance studio as the 2 duos played the piano. We acted like dancing partners. it was pretty interesting not to mention really fun. It's all good accept that the we were hopping not dancing. The poor duos had to put up with our nonsensical craziness, however, they're musicians too, so they MUST understand that we do things the way we do! haha
Joe was around luckily for me to pour all my disappointment about my performance today. He always finds a way to make me feel all better and keep me from falling apart. I want myself to be someone who everyone would be so proud of. Why can't I ever stay composed, to be able to just play it? I've been told so many times, why cant I do that? Fustrated with myself.
It's not suppose to be this way. I'm a violinist! So be the best one! Argh! Anxiety.

i'm tugging at my hair
i'm pulling at my clothes
i'm trying to keep my cool i know it shows
i'm straing at my feet
my cheecks are turning red
and i'm searching for the words inside my head

Cause i'm feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect,
Cause i know you're worth it
you're worth it Yeah.